tika_w: (Default)
hey, you can find my first real blog entry here

Also I took a pic of some very interesting flyer I saw at Harvard Campus that I didn't want to put into my blog *gg*

see for yourselves

I'm too tired to write everything down again, so if you want to read about my first two weeks in Boston just click the link (well if you happen to understand german...)

I will copy some slash onto my USB now, so that I have something to read at home (life without slash really is miserable) and then I'll go to the gym to work out, so that I can afford to eat all the fat stuff they sell over here *gg*
Miss you guys a lot!
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So, I've arrived safely in Boston. But I don`t have any internet connection at home yet. which is why I am writing this little entry in the lab^^

Mz family seems very nice, though it feels more like living in a very small hotel than living in a family, but that`s fine. I have a great room and omg I have scifi!!!!!! american scifi, I think I`m never gonna leave again ;)

I visited Harvard university and the MIT yesterday,very very nice I must tell you^^ And of course I went shopping :)

anyway, I don`t have much time yet, plus it is kind of weird to write with an american keyboard, I keep making a lot more mistakes than usually^^ So I`ll write again once I have an established internet connection at home :)
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I'm all packed.
I have to get up at 4 am, because I want to be at the airport at 5.
I actually talked my parents into bringing me to the airport to say goddbye, even though it's in the middle of the night.

I'll arrive in Boston at 13.10 (Boston time - which is 19.10 here)

I'm really exited now!! I want to know what my family is going to be like and the surroundings and I'm already very much looking forward to shopping *gg*

still, I'll go to sleep soon, because I have thing thing - once I'm finished packing I feel like I need to leave, immediately^^ and there's still so much time left...I think it's gonna be faster if I sleep a few hours ;)

anyway - the next time I post anything it'll be from the us^^ wow, that still sounds kinda strange...
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So as promised I created my first attempt at this Boston Blog over at wordpress^^

You can find here:)

I will of course still write in my lj, but this is more for the ranting and the private stuff, whereas wordpress will be for pictures and everything (everything safe that I actually want my family and rl-friends to see, too^^)
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FEDCON!!!! I am coming ;))))

Connor and Dominic :) Not to mention a lot of other great guests^^

oh an I'll leabe for Boston in five days and still haven't managed to create myself a blog....but I will...I promise... ;)
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hmmm does anyone of you happen to know a community where I could get Star Trek Episodes (preferably Voyager)?? Cause so far I've failed to find one on my own...stupid me :(
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last night in my apartment. really weird.
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I'm currently packing up my life - aka all the stuff I own - into boxes to be put in the cellar for the next 6 months (besides the tons of stuff I'll be taking with me)
Honestly I thought two times 23 kilograms would be a lot to take with me.....now I'm not so sure anymore^^ well it's still more than you can take anywhere else....but it's 6 months!! I need a lot of stuff ;)

Oh and only two more nights in my own bed...I'm getting really sad, because I have to leave my apartment behind...I feel so at home here -.-

Oh and forgot to complain properly! Ever since I am a fan of Atlantis I wanted to meet Joe Flanigan. Really bad!!! But, I missed the peg1 (only started attending cons a year later), I couldn't possibly go to canada or the USA because of money issues and australia was also out of the question^^
And I thought - please let him come somewhere near by (and by that I mean europe!^^ I don't care if I have to fly to another country to see him, just preferably not another continent, cause I can't afford that!)
So wow, now he's been announced for the next chevron convention, isn't that just great?? Only wait - I won't be in eupore at that time. I'm actually gonna be in the fucking USA - and guess what, there's not gonna be a con in the US during that time where I could possibly meet him!
Right now I hate my life - I'll go cry now :((
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Omg - I just got a email from the woman that got me my host family. She'll be sending my email adress to them and they will be in touch soon :))) I'm sooo exited and nervous what they will be like...I mean I'll have to live with them for 6 months^^
And my academic advisor in Boston sent me a mail telling me what I need to bring with me for the occupational health screening.
I also started writing a list of all the thing I will need to take with me, so I know only to pack up all the others to be put in the cellar for these months.

Today it seems like this is really happening^^

Oh and I had a reall tough day in the lab. Those three/Four hours felt at least like twice the time because I was so concentrated and nervous and everything. I'm always afraid I'll makle a huge mistake^^
But I also learned a lot, so I still had a great time there :)
Cross your fingers that my cells still live tomorrow, that they're deviding and growing and that they hopefully won't get infected ;)

*jumps away again, cause there is still soooo much to do*
tika_w: (Shep)
I just read a few of my entries from the end of last year, when I was desperately trying to get that place in Boston for research and I was so much looking forward to it and thought it was the best thing ever :) Made me smile how happy I was back then.
And also makes me really look forward to the time I’ll have :)
It’s weird…these last weeks I have changed so many things – I got a new haircut (I finally got rid of those stupid curls^^), I bought new clothes, I kinda changed my style a little and I started making too many last appointments. The last time I went to work. The last time I would see this person or that friend. So many last times….
I feel like I’m losing my life. And on the other hand there is this new one waiting for me, this one I’m looking forward to, I am so curious about I wanna jump right in.
But it hurts leaving the old one.
And I know I’m stupid. Because I’ll come back. Because nowadays we have the internet and keeping in contact is quite possible. But somehow I can’t really convince myself I will have a life here to come back to.
To understand my fear of leaving you maybe need to know something. I lost my very best friend in this world in the year she spent in a foreign country. We tried to keep in contact, but it seemed so superficial compared to what we had before. I had a very tough year and came out bruised and hurt and she came back another person. It was a very slow progress…one you could hardly detect and it was so easy not to see us drifting apart, because I didn’t want to. It took me many years to get over her. I never had a best friend like her again. And I don’t think I ever will, not like that. And I never got the chance to say goodbye.
In addition, I’m terribly good at leaving things behind. Every time a major change in my life occurred I simply left and started anew. This is a major change – and I really don’t want to lose everything. And I can’t tell anyone, because all they ever do is laugh and tell me how easy it is to keep in contact. And what they don’t know is that it is me. I’m afraid I won’t keep in contact. I’m afraid I won’t be interested in them anymore, not the other way round. I’m scared, because I don’t know how to not be that way. Maybe I just suck at being a friend.
When I am in my down mood I already think I don’t have a life to come back to, because it’s already gone – before I even left. But I know that’s not entirely true. Even if it might not be the best thing ever at the moment, it still is my life. They still are my friends, you still are my friends. At least I really hope so. And I’m scared of losing that.
So all these last few weeks when I haven’t been preparing for leaving like I should, when I didn’t think of what I want to take with me, all the stuff I’ll need, all the time I simply forgot to clean and sort through things and was too lazy to go to this or that office, to write and send a letter – all this time it wasn’t laziness or bad memory or any other one of those, it was simply stalling the inevitable. And it’s gotta stop. So as of now I will start planning towards leaving you. Doesn’t matter if it breaks my heart in a way.
I had this tiny little thought in the back of my head, nagging, trying to tell me that maybe this time I’d have the chance to say goodbye. But the truth is, I don’t want to.
What I want to do is to beg, to ask you not to forget me, to think of me, to write me, to still include me in your lives – and it’s so stupid, because this is me, the one who didn’t write comments or answer to your mails or was available on icq or anything. Me, the one who went through such a deep phase of loss, long before it even occurred, because I’m too damn scared of getting hurt again. And I’m more than sorry.
I really, really want to ask all that of you, but it doesn’t matter. Because I know this will be on me and not on you. And all I can do is promise to do my very best. I don’t know if it’ll be enough, I don’t know if anybody still cares. But I have to overcome this dead point I’ve reached and start looking forward into a hopefully bright future and enjoy it the very best I can. Because everybody keeps telling me my time in Boston will be so great and part of me really believes it.:)
I just wish I'd know how I'm supposed to feel...
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three weeks from now I'll be sitting on my flight to Boston.

it's just three freaking weeks left. And I still don't really believe it. I know there's still so much I need to do and take care of, but I can't seem to be rushed to do so, because deep down I don't think it'll be only three weeks. Hope that knowledge sinks in soon, because otherwise my last weeks will be horribly stressfull -.-

I really can't imagine leaving all of my life for so long. And although I'm sooo much looking forward to finally being there I'm also scared to hell that something will go wrong, or I won't find any friends there, or my project won't work, or I'll screw up in the lab...and so on..

I met the girl from university who'll be joining me there a few weeks ago. actually I don't like her all that much. I know that can change but my first impression was "arrogant bitch"! She also seemed to be very competetive, and oh - of course, she already knows boston and has lived there for a year and has friends there and knows her way araound and she'll be gracious enough to show me :( I want to find out on my own!!
I just hope I can stay out of her way most of the time -.-

On other news...my brother will move to Magdeburg next weekend :((( My little brother...and he'll leave us to go and study in another city. well...I've already seen his apartment, and omg I envy him...such a nice place and well renovated and he doesn't even pay much^^ well there's gotta be at least some advantages to Magdeburg ;))

in two weeks I'll have to move out of my apartment and move back in with my parents (or my mum, because my father is in Hannover the whole week and my brother obviously won't live there anymore then).

Also I'm planning on creating myself a blog - something I'm willing to show my family and all of my friends where I can put pictures and stories of Boston, so I don't have to send them all those pics and stories via mail^^ any suggestions??^^

gc 2008

Aug. 25th, 2008 10:17 pm
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sooo I'm back^^

And I just realized I didn't even tell you I'd be gone.
I visited my freind in Leipzig for a few days and we went to the games convention together.
And since I'm really tired and everything, this review will be in german (no one else would care about it anyway)

GC 2008 )


Jul. 22nd, 2008 04:53 pm
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I don't believe how lucky I am at the moment!

A few days ago I applied for getting a homestay family in Boston. The next day the woman from the company told me she had the perfect place for me and just needed to confirm if I can really stay there.
Yesterday she confirmed that place for me and I have the adress and everything now. So I have a place to stay in Boston. And it is in Charlestown and pretty close to the hospital and the harbour and the great universities and pretty much eversthing. It's really seems to be a great location. It's with a family that has too older kids (already moved out I guess) and my room will be on a seperate floor, so I'll have my privacy, too and internet access of course and I can use the kitchen and it just sounds too perfect.

Today I received a letter from my university that they've granted my stipend and will give me 1000€ for my stay in Boston. Since I almost have enough money to make it without this help it's just unbelievable! Especially because it took them over two months to send out those letters, because sooo many students had applied....plus they send them out las friday and when there was nothing in my box saturday and yesterday I was completely sure that my grades hadn't been good enough and that I definetely wouldn't get the stipend. I was so surprised to get the letter today!!

I'm jumping around at the moment, Only not for long because I'm deadly tired^^ I just started my last clerkship this monday in anaethesiology. And I have to get up at 5.30 everyday. Which is why I feel soo tired every evening I just watch tv and go to sleep pretty early :(

But anyway....I'm the happiest girl alive right now!!! The only problem is, that it feels a little too perfect at the moment ;)
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sooo exams are over, and I passed them all *gg* as always I wasn't that good in the important subjects but scored good marks in the one's no one is interested in^^ on the other hand even the important one's are gonna be completely unimportant for me, so that's fine^^

Now I have a little more than a week of freetime :) YAY!!!
Then I'll start my last clerkship in anaethesiology. Sadly that means having to get up veeery early, since I'll have to be at the hospital at 7 am *cries*
But it'll be over after five weeks and in a way I'm looking forward to learning some important stuff again^^

in other news...I'm trying to find someone for my appartment for the six months I'll be gone (I just realized it's only three months until october...not a lot of time left...)
problem is, I'm a little picky ;) Let's see how that'll work out^^
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Rules of the Game
A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B) Tag eight people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people state who they are tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

meme - lj questions )

and now back to learning *aaargh*^^
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omg I'm almost on my way to my little brothers prom....
This is gonna be soo weird... after tonight he's finally finished school forever^^
And I'll probably meet a bunch of my old teachers.....yeah well
Also...why does it have to be so fucking rainy today???
I have to walk from my front door to the cab and from the cab to the location....and I really can't get my shoes wet, I can't get my dress wet and I can't get my face (meaning my make up) wet....

honestly I can't remember the last time I dressed up like this...I think I was even less dressed up at my own prom...and that was five years ago..
It was fun though^^ as long as I don't have to do it on a regular basis ;)

Sooo..... exams are on tuesday...I haven't really learned much...I rather spent my time at cons in england (soo much fun!!!!!) and playing WoW^^

These are in fact gonna be my last exams (if you don't count the elective, and you really can't) before final graduation....although that's still two years away.
And today I officially had the last seminar I'll ever have in a trimester (block) (again not counting the elective trimester and the practical year, because the first doesn't really have exams and the second is practical)

Honestly I'm starting to really look forward to actually graduating some time....and go to work.
5 years.....I feel like I wanna be done studying...

ehm...anyway, have to go now ;)
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I'll be gone over the weekend to Northhampton to attend Chevron 7 con *ggg*

OMG MICHAEL!!! I'm soooooooo exited ;)

And yeah, I'll be gone over my birthday....which is weird somehow...but on the other hand it's not that important, just one year older^^ and cons are way better anyway^^

sooo see you all again on tuesday :)


May. 26th, 2008 11:33 am
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This is the first entry I am writing from my shiny new lovely laptop!!! :)
That finally has Internet connection^^
We had to use a different router, but now everything works just fine and I can play WoW from here (This laptop is so much better than my old PC^^)
anyway - me is a happy person right now ;)
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that you play too much World of Warcraft^^

If you let alone the fact I've played every night in the last week (and almost every night the weeks before) and if you ignore the fact I spend a fucking lot of my time discussing nothing alse with my brother, than which instance we want to try next, and how many XP we're gonna need until we can finally go to hdz1, etc, etc, etc....
then my last clue should have been - I dream about it!
and not in the sense that I have an actual dream about WoW....no I dream whatever I want to, but for the last few nights there's always been 5 characters health bars been at the upper left side of my screen (aka my field of view) and whatever the dream was about I had to stop and heal my teammembers all the time.
It's like my brain couldn't shut off and was still on healer mode, I mean I can't let my group die. I can't let my tank die!!^^

so...maybe I should cut back...but I don't want to. Right now it's so much fun. More than ever before. I have my brother to play with and some amazing other people, and we do all these instances together all the time and for the first time in my WoW life I'm actually looking forward to playing high lvl instead of thinking about my next possible twink.^^

huh, I guess no one understood this post^^ although I tried so hard to keep WoW language out of it..seems like it didn't really work.