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everything involving hardware or software changes always seems to go wrong or at least be a lot more complicated than I thought would be remotely possibly, if it is about my own computer.

so, my new laptop arrived!!! YAY!! The one I didn't tell you about, yet *g*
My dad decided, that me and my brother needed laptops for university. I especially need one for the time in Boston. So he thought he should gift us each with one for our upcoming birthdays.
Sure enough they arrived well over a month before our birthdays and we couldn't have possibly waited to use them, so we got them now :)

Today I took mine home with me and with the help of my brother (by now I'm smart enough not to even try alone, anymore, it never works^^) I wanted to get it up and connected to the internet. Via WLAN. I have to admit usually my dad used to do all the stuff about internet connection and LAN , etc. So I am offcially clueless about all of this.
But at my parents with my brothers laptop everything had been so easy, we decided to try, even though my dad just went on vacation for 2 weeks.
naturally we couldn't get a connection^^ The laptop actually found my network, but for some reason coudn't connect. while we were searching for the source or our problem, we tried various different setting for WLAN and my router in general. maaaaybe we shouldn't have done that.
Cause we thought, if it doesn't work we'll just switch the setting back to the original.
And without thinking about it, we chose another setting and whooops, no connection to the internet anymore.
okay....no problem, lets just undo the last change we did and everything should be back to normal. haha...
except...damn, why can't we connect to the router anymore???
now I guess someone who knows more about PCs than I do would have had no problem with ipconfig and cmd.exe and finding everything they needed to get that router connection back online. I needed the fucking internet to tell me what to do!
I also guess if I had ever set up any kind of network before I would have known to simply pick an IP and that gateway and DNS server are simply the router IP and stuff like that, but as it was, I never in my life set up a network before and had to look it up^^
this meant driving home to my parents to use their internet to find my answers. and driving back^^

now I am proudly announcing I have internet connection again *g* and fuck, that was easy^^ If you even remotely know what you are doing.
(but if you even remotely knew what you were doing, you would never ever have disabled your router from ditributing IP adresses to your PC^^ especially, because it absolutely had nothing to do with my WLAN problem)

anyway...sadly I couldn't solve that one. Some forums seem to indicate the hardware I have sometimes has general problems with WLAN, other said it is a problem to have an old router....oh well^^

first of all I'm just so happy to be able to surf the internet again for answers, on the other hand I wouldn't mind waiting another two weeks to ask my dad for help, I just fear there's not much he can do.
second I still love my laptop, because it is big and new and shiny and wonderful and I always wanted to have one, but never had a reason to spend that much money *ggg*
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soooo

Psychiatry - 3 (C) altogether..with the oral part, too. That's more than fine with me^^

psychosomatic medicine - 1 (A) ROFL I have no clue about that subject whatsoever^^

social medicine - 1 (A) see above ;)

geriatrics - 2 (B) yaya, I was so sure I failed the oral part, because I felt like I forgot half of the stuff I wanted to say^^ apparently not^^

occupational medicine - 3 (C) stupid subject....I'm more than glad never to see it again^^

in two subject I still have no results or only partial results, and we've been told to wait till monday :(

but it looks as if I'm gonna pass everything and can finally forget about this trimester, as I'll never have to care about these subjects again^^ (Until graduation exams...-.-)

this means freeeeeetime *gggg*

update

Apr. 1st, 2008 02:22 pm
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so...oral exams are in *looks at watch* 1 hour and 5 minutes^^
I'm not even really nervous yet. Kinda weird.

I wrote exams yesterday....three were fine and three weren't^^ I left being absolutely sure I failed psychiatry and I might fail social medice and "gesundheitsökonomie" (too lazy to look up the translation^^)
we got some results already,....and hey I actually passed psychiatry. barely, but I passed, I won't have to do it again, yay!!! what do I care about the grade, I don't want to do it later anyway^^
and I got an A in social medicine...*laughs like crazy* I don't know how, because I just wrote crap....I didn't know anything for sure and made everything up....well apparently I was right somehow ;)
These were weird exams....in 4,5 years I didn't have to write one essay question and now they were full of them. Hey - we're studying medicine! we don't know how to answer in full sentences anymore ;P

now I'll go on waiting for the other results and leave for oral exam shortly....it's gonna suck, I already know..but well, I've gotta have to make the best of it.

and did I not bitch about my internet connection problems over the last few days???? well it might be, because I barely HAD internet connection and couldn't bitch about it ;)
I spend a lot of money talking to "alice", and they always told me stuff like, we have a big problem with hamburg right now and we're working on it.
well you know...I usually get very very cranky without internet.....very much so. especially when the oresentations I need to learn are only online and my exams are coming up.
I wanted to yell at the person on the phone...but he was so polite and it wasn't really his fault and well....I tried so hard to be polite myself...until he tols me it might help to pull the plug of my modem......aaaaaaaaargh!! what kind of idiot does he think I am?? Of course I tried everything I could do before calling them *grrr* and when I realized the problem wasn't anywhere here at my place but their I decided to call.
well since yesterday night it has been stable again-...i surely hope it will stay that way :))
because what am I supposed to spend my time with if I don't have to learn anymore? ;)

sooo off to stupid exams now^^
tika_w: (Default)
from too much writing :(

todays schedule was schizophrenic disorders, personality disorders, alcohol abuse, anxiety disorder, phobia, compulsion neurosis, anorexia, bulimia, bipolar affective disorder, PTDS, also some little things my dictionary apparently can't translate^^

now I can't think anymore^^ the bad thing is, I won't remember even half of what I learned today -.-
anyway - tomorrow will see me doing the little subjects, saturday I'll have to work and on sunday I'll do explicit written and oral exam preparations, and then I'm done^^
except I still have to do the exams ;) Monday has seven written one's and tuesday has seven smaller oral one's.

and then finally, finally this trimester will be over, yay :)
just 5 more days to go^^
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Snagging a Stargate meme from Cori is a much better way to start the day than learning *g*
and yes, I just got up ;) The problem is, when you know your books are waiting for you to get up you find a hundred good reasons to stay in bed just a little longer ;P

stargate meme )
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I'm having a lot of trouble with learning these past days. Exams are just a week away...and I'm on schedule (okay a veeery late schedule that gives me about a day per subject), but I still feel like I know nothing....I read all the stuff I had to and I do remember...but apparently not enough.
I'm not so scared of the written exams...usually you have enough time to think...
but the oral ones - well. Before I read the thread in our forum I was slightly nervous and afraid this might be hard - now I'm scared and very sure they will be impossible to pass.
in one of them you get a text to read, telling you something about a patient...then the doctor will ask you what you feel when you sit in front of that patient. (excuse me?? I am not sitting in front of him...I've been reading a text!) when you tell him about your "feelings" he has the guts to tell you they are wrong! juts a tiny little question here? if they are MY feelings how can they possibly be wrong??
and this exam goes on like that.......in short - you have to exactly tell them what they want to hear. this is normal - but usually it's about the illness itself and not about your own reaction and feelings and emotions...and how you say things to you patients....this might all be very important, but everybody reacts in a different way and they are actually grading our feelings! and don't even have a real patient there.
frankly I just don't know what to learn to pass this.
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I'm sick and tired...

...of feeling so fucking depressed in the past weeks.
...of feeling alone and crying all the time.
...of telling everyone that I am indeed fine.
...of having no one I could talk to if I wanted, cause I don't want to bother anyone.
...of being actually able to pretend every day.
...of not just being able to deny and repress this and go on with my life.
...of being pathetic anough to write this entry, because it's nothing more than whining
...of not even having a single reason to feel like shit

but I just realized this is my lj and if I want to whine, I can do it as much as I want to. Considering the mood I'm in right now, I don't think anyone will bother to read, but that shouldn't make a difference.

please, someone tell me what's wrong with me? I have so many wonderful things to look forward to - why do I feel so depressed???

I think I'm going to bed now. At least sleeping is still nice.
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seems like I didn't write in ages.
guess I've just been to busy. I have to write presentations for university *vomits* a lot of them.
What I really really don't understand is, that I have to write an essay and a presentation in one of the most unimportant subjects we have AND there will be an exam in the end of this trimester. I mean...okay...if they make me do all this stuff and work so hard for this subject, why the hell an exam in the end? all the other subjects (most of them are gonna be waaaay more important for me as a doctor later) only have exams....(okay some of them bitch around and make you write stuff, too...but it's not as time consuming and it's not fucking graded!)
the difference in studying medicine from almost anything alse was always (next to a lot less free time) many many exams all the time, but at least not during your time off and no essays and stuff like that. great...-.-
this trimester is starting to make me get depressed. some parts have been interesting, but most of the time I'm bored to death. and there's just one month till exams...and I haven't learned a single thing so far that might help me with them at all.
I'm so not motivated!
*sighs*

woohooo^^

Feb. 15th, 2008 10:35 pm
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I just won my first tournament of poker *ggg*
I know I know...it's only playmoney (I'm not rich, I can't play for real money, I just can't afford losing it^^)
But still....buy-in of 2000 and my reward being 31000 :) 45 players and I won *ggg*

Laugh as you might, I'm happy about it :) Poker's just soo much fun...and so strategic..I wish they'd show more of it on tv. I never get tired of watching and learning from the pros :)

Anyway...Now I'm a happy girl and can go nack to playing WoW *gg* (Omg I wasted this day...and nothing ever felt so good ;))
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still sick...but finally back at home and not at my parents anymore.
I wasn't even interested in internet or sga or torchwood or anything like that over the last days - just shows how really very bad I felt..:(
fever is down for a few days now...but my lovely stomach didn't like me being sick and started a little mutiny of it's own. I haven't eaten more than a few bites a days....I feel like vomiting all the time and half of the time I actually do...wuargh :(
I'm not hungry at all....I'm sick whether I eat or not, but if I do....well....have a guess..-.-

Tomorrow afternoon i HAVE to go back to university...because we can't miss this lecture...-.- This is the first day in over a week that sees me sitting for more than one hour straight.-..and I really feel like lying back down..very much.
Tomorrows lecture is 4 hours long...without a break...someone please tell me how I'm supposed to survive that?
I honestly can't remember ever having felt this weak...

:(

Feb. 9th, 2008 03:10 pm
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I'm sick. Really rellay sick.
started on thursday morning..I had to go to university to get my papers signed..because I can't miss two days in a rwo, but I already knew I would never make it of Friday.
I was already high on a fever and a little scared I might faint on the way...anyway...got my signatures, went to my parents and later that afternoon wen to see the doctor..who hooked me up on an iv to get the fucking fever down.
I don't tolerate fever at alll...I hardly ever get fever,...and I seriously can't tell you the last time I had such high fever.
anyway,..it's not influenza, but some stupid other virus...and by now the fever is down but absolutely nothing will help against the headaches and I can't sleep because I'm coughing all day and night...
life's just perfect.
Monday I will have to go back to university though..
right now I hate my life
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Now I'm definitely going to Boston. From 1.10.2008 to 31.03.2009.
I'm gonna get a project plan over the next few months and maybe I'll even have a chance for getting a stipend, which I thought to be impossible. let's see.
In April I'm gonna try to get my Visa...which means I'm gonna have to book flights before that.
I'll get the email adresses of the two students who will go to Boston in April, cause I wanna ask them where they found a place to live and how much they pay and all the stuff like that.

It just sounds so perfect, I can't believe this is all really happening to me!
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oookay. I'm just gonna try to write a little entry on that.

beware of spoiler )
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October

pro I'd have more time to actually write my dissertation after coming back
I'd have the time for some additional experiments if necessary
I could use my holidays this summer for preperation in the lab in Hamburg


contra I'd be in Boston for the dead of winter and leave in spring..so no summer^^
I'd have to celebrate Christmas alone
I'd miss the next Wolf-con
timing is critical..I can't leave too late because I'd have to be back for my next
trmiester in the beginning of April


January

pro It would be spring and summer in Boston
I'd be home at christmas with my family
I could go to the wolf-con
I'd have all the time to go a week later or come back a weeks later


contra I'd have very littel time to write, or have to do it while pj, which is bad
no more time for additional experiments





okay....looks like I pretty much made up my mind...the pros and cons speak for themselves..

this is the chance of my life. I'm not gonna make it more complicated by putting my personal longings first...
I'm gonna ask him for october. I'll have to fly very early..best would be in the very end of september so I could be sure to be back for the last trimester in time. But if that's okay with him, I'll take october.
this means no con, it means lonely christmas and boston will be cold - but this is not about me having a good time, this is about my career later...this is about spending all my time in research and I want this to be good dissertation so I will give everything into it that I have.
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I can't believe it!!

I am gonna go to Boston!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got an email today from the doctor in Boston, and he said, everything was fine and we could start planning for autumn or January and that we should talk on the phone again. Sounds like he saying yes to me. Sounds like I get to go...I mean he said "planning"...

I'm soo exited....I've been waiting for this mail for days now...on Monday I talked to the guy who will supervise me in Hamburg and he was really very nice and seemed to like me and I'm pretty sure the two of them talked about me to decide whether to take me or not. But this guy said on monday he thought the other doctor had made a really good choice with me, although by that time it wasn't even confirmed yet. omg....I'm gonna jump around for the next months....

Boston - 6 months!!!

now I just need to decide whether I want to go in Oktober or in January....and I really don't know. There are soooo many pros and cons it's hard to decide...please someone heeeeeelp me *ggg*
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I hope you all have/had a great time celebrating :)

I spend a nice comfy evening with my family and good food. And because my people like to go to bed early I just had to drive home.
I can tell you, I've never before driven in such dangerous surroundings. The smoke from a the fireworks made it almost impossible to see. And I mean that literally. I don't think it has ever been so bad as this year. I could see about two meters ahead and that was it. Other cars or traffic lights from about ten meters before I reached them. If somebody had walked in front of my car I would haven seen them the moment my car already hit them.
I had to inch my way home and honestly if I hadn't driven that way a thousand times already I truly would have been unable to find my way home.

It felt very unreal..like driving into nothingness. no car in front of you, nothing next to you...only two meters of the road ahead...nobody around...like I was the only person alive in this world..very weird.

and parking was a bitch, too. because driving backwards was totally out of the question, wasn't possible to even see a thing.

and all the time those sirens everywhere around you...I really don't want to know how many accidents we had just due to all this smoke.
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my computer is cursed^^

It only ever reacts properly to my brother. or at least when my brother is sitting next to me doing nothing. but it requires my brother to be in the room when any changes are made, no matter how easily I could do them on my own.
I got a new tft for christmas. and yesterday my father gave me a digital cable instead of the analog one. at home I switched them and suddenly I got a lot of blurring flashing lights and coulors and the monitor wouldn't work anymore. I tried a few times switching back and forth always with the same result. So in the end I left the analog cable and called my brother. (actually I called him because UT2004 wasn't gonna accept 1280x1024 and always broke down upon changing the settings^^)
after fixing the UT2004 problem today, he suggested I show him the problem with my digital cable - and guess what: it was gone. everything worked just fine.

this is by far not the first time something similar happened. the funny thing is, I am the one making the proper changes to my system, even with my brother here he is just supervising...and I recall doing absolutely everything the same way as before, but suddenly my problems are gone. And it always looks as if I was just imagining them or as if I were too stupid to do things on my own *g*

I decided it can't be my fault ;) It's probably just because most of the hardware used to belong to my brother...and it's all still used to him. so basically my computer doesn't like me^^ well maybe I've always been pushing him a little too hard, poor thing^^
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Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

And a lot of hugs and a great time with family and friends and all the people you love :)


Also thanx a lot to [livejournal.com profile] ria_kukalaka for your christmas card and the korean tea. I just ahd a cup of it and it was absolutely delicious :)

And to [livejournal.com profile] tmz_cori of course *ggg* best christmas card ever! ;) We are SO gonna make that trip someday *ggg* without falling into the canyon preferably, but I definitely liked the guys in the back^^ Think we can talk them into coming with us if we pay?^^


So, I passed all my exams last week. YAY! Some could have been a little better, but since I passed everything I decided I'd just be happy about it and don't dwell on grades^^
I spend the last few days watching lots and lots of tv shows and being very lazy *g*
and now I'm gonna go back to bed, because my mum made me get up veeeery early today to go grocery shopping with her this morning and now I don't have to be back at my parents till afternoon and I'm still very mich tired and these are my holidays, so who cares if I go to sleep in the middle of the morning ;)
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just one more week and exams will be over...
I haven't been very good at learning and I frankly can't stand seeing my books anymore right now...but still...just one more week to go.

I desperately need to buy christmas presents and christmas cards, but don't have the time. Please don't be too angry if your cards arrive a little late...-.-

I spent half of my time organizing all the stuff for Boston in the last weeks and it really looks pretty good. :) I now should be able to get the financial support I will need...half of it by my grandmother (love her for it!!!) and the other half from the bank. I have an appointment with them next thursday directly after my last exam..
The other half of the time I should have spent learning I used to keep watching tv shows, lazy me^^

I try not to get my hopes up too much for Boston, but I emailed this woman from my "Prodekanat" today, because she's ill and I went to see her three times this week, because everyday one of her colleagues told me she'd be back tomorrow...-.- she'll have to tell me if I can get another trimester off for research.

And I managed to get an appointment with my possible mentor in Hamburg, who will supervise the writing of my dissertation and function as my "Doktorvater" in germany. hopefully....
It's on 7.01. and I really hope after that I'll know whether I really get to go to Boston or not...I hate having to wait that long -.-

My doctor told me to stop taking my beta blocker medication about a month ago. This week I had to do a 24 hours blood pressure measuring...( have I ever mentioned I hate that stuff? It's impossible to sleep...) and the results came back yesterday. Looks like my high blood pressure has gotten a little worse...my doc hoped it might have gotten better and maybe I wouldn't need medication anymore...
well yeah, so much for that -.- he started me on ACE inhibitors today...

This day contained of learning orthopedic examination of shoulder, hip and knee...and starting with urology. Can I tell you how much I am not interested in urology??? It's one of the most boring specialties I've ever had to learn....
Now I'm really tired and taking a break I think...after that I'll have to start working on benign prostatic hypertrophy - and wow isn't this day getting better and better....:(